We just had our first home pass. While there was a good amount of being sick involved it was still pretty awesome. We saw friends, went out to eat, watched a movie, and mainly just got to hang out. We set up her room and everyone slept in, we even went looking for a new car. It was really a pretty cool time.
We really did not do anything huge or crazy. I guess that was the coolest part; we just got to be a family for a while. Little Bit keeps making this statement, “I can’t believe how blessed I am… How awesome what God is doing in my life is… That He brought me you guys, its like a dream…”
This statement seems hard to register for me. Jenny and I just loved her. It doesn’t seem like so much to us. She is ours and we have made a commitment to be there for her, to us that seems to be pretty standard stand point for any parent to take with their kids. It sure means a lot to her though.
I look forward to going from here with her. I am excited to see what God has planned for her and what awesome things lay ahead. You would expect pivotal moments in life, like these, would come with fan-fare and trumpet. At least a sound track. Rather they seem, more often, to be a culmination of the immense number of ordinary moments. It kind of makes you wonder about whether you are making the right pile to get the right outcome. What is each hour I spent with her this weekend going to build up to be? How about with Jenny, or Sammy?
Let’s just say I am glad I am not God and don’t have to try and see what all is going to happen, rather I can rely on His grace.
I would guess, in retrospect, this is probably how Nehemiah would have felt.
2:1 In the month of Nisan, in the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes, when wine was before him, I took up the wine and gave it to the king. Now I had not been sad in his presence. 2 And the king said to me, “Why is your face sad, seeing you are not sick? This is nothing but sadness of the heart.” Then I was very much afraid. 3 I said to the king, “Let the king live forever! Why should not my face be sad, when the city, the place of my fathers' graves, lies in ruins, and its gates have been destroyed by fire?” 4 Then the king said to me, “What are you requesting?” So I prayed to the God of heaven. 5 And I said to the king, “If it pleases the king, and if your servant has found favor in your sight, that you send me to Judah, to the city of my fathers' graves, that I may rebuild it.” 6 And the king said to me (the queen sitting beside him), “How long will you be gone, and when will you return?” So it pleased the king to send me when I had given him a time. 7 And I said to the king, “If it pleases the king, let letters be given me to the governors of the province Beyond the River, that they may let me pass through until I come to Judah, 8 and a letter to Asaph, the keeper of the king's forest, that he may give me timber to make beams for the gates of the fortress of the temple, and for the wall of the city, and for the house that I shall occupy.” And the king granted me what I asked, for the good hand of my God was upon me.
9 Then I came to the governors of the province Beyond the River and gave them the king's letters. Now the king had sent with me officers of the army and horsemen. 10 But when Sanballat the Horonite and Tobiah the Ammonite servant heard this, it displeased them greatly that someone had come to seek the welfare of the people of Israel.
This moment in Israel’s history is pretty pivotal. From here Nehemiah would join the ranks of the elite in Israel’s ancestry. His example would be looked to along with the giants of faith like Abraham, Moses, and David. Yet for Nehemiah this was there terrifying culmination of four months worth of common moments. The month of Nisan would have been about four months after Nehemiah heard the report about Jerusalem.
For four months Nehemiah carried this burden with him, he prayed and fasted, and sought God’s timing. four months is long enough for the routine of life to take over again. I doubt that in Nehemiah’s mind that morning was going to be any different than normal. I doubt that the trumpets blew and the world held its breath when Nehemiah asked the king if he could go, I doubt time slowed as Nehemiah walked from the palace hall back lit and heroic, and I doubt he had a sound track.
No I’d say all in all he was probably having a pretty crappy day. A servant to the king could be banished or killed for making the king unhappy. Looking depressed was not a good career choice for Nehemiah and definitely not something he was doing to get sympathy as some grand plan. Nehemiah was sad, burdened, and probably struggling with inaction.
Only God knew today was to be the day that Nehemiah was released to do what he had been called to do. To be honest, the entire interaction probably lasted so little a time that afterwards Nehemiah had to catch his breath and struggle to process what had just happened.
When Nehemiah sent up his urgent “shot” prayer it was backed by four months of steady building up. Even then it isn’t like Nehemiah turned from this terrifying moment with the king to this glorious task. Look what he asked for; give me letters so no one will kill me and wood so I can build.
Nehemiah is not thinking to be some hero come home to rally his people to some great work. He simply wants to rebuild the wall and restore security and hope to the home of his fathers. It is a good work, but not heroic. Can you imagine a movie about building a wall? Not a very riveting plot line.
Yet even in these things Nehemiah constantly gives all glory to the favor and providence of God, and as a result we see how moved the king was. The he listened at all, that he was sympathetic while his wife was there to offer a more emotionally connected side, that he went beyond what Nehemiah asked; it all shows how awesome God is and how sovereign.
At the end we are given just a hint of the troubles still facing Nehemiah, there are always some. It seems though that these expressed opponents were not even as troubling to the Israelites as making those moments count.
I’m not trying to build a wall, not sure I would even know how to, but I am trying to help build lives. I hope I do as well at giving God all the glory. I hope I do as well being patient to see each moment build up until the fruit finally shows.
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